life as of late…

for the past two episodes of netlix’d parks and rec (can i be couple-friends with will arnett and amy pohler already?)(…couple friends…eeeek…), i’ve been trying to  figure out the correct onomatopoeia to describe the sound of a deep inhale through the nostrils. my front-runners: ‘mmmm’, ‘ffffffff’, and ‘huuuurrrff’

maybe? kind of? are you feeling it?

now, enough of onomatopoeia, and on to me. that’s what we are all here for, right? (unless you are here for the other simply brooke–a fan fiction author that writes for digimon)

onwards: i’m married, you guys! and to answer the next question, it’s been great. people keep asking us if we like it and, if we are being truthful, we don’t really know yet. if being married is cruising, free meals, parties centered around your love, and a surplus of tagged facebook photos, then we are old pros. marriage is easy. ha. (…we have actually had a hard time adjusting from the cruise-life to real-life; we have to refrain from ordering 3 entrees and just leaving our garbage everywhere)

we do know that we love each other, though. it has been so fun to have him around 24/7 and to adjust to being married (answering to ‘brooke stapleton’, controlling nighttime gas, de-hair-ing the shower after use, and remembering that the crimson wave is a completely natural bodily function that happens once a month…to reiterate: i. am. not. dying.).

so here’s a little catch-up a la pictures (my life just looks better in the instagram ‘walden’ filter…) and a list (i’ll talk alllll about the actual ceremony later!):

one: we went back to my neck of the woods in northern idaho! we got all northern-idaho-y and rode the hiawatha trail (recommend! recommend!).

two: can you get over that sunset? me neither.

three: vegas, baby! we didn’t really mean to. nor did we want to. but we ended up in the crazy hot las vegas with my family and had a blast! i forget all the details and can’t really expound on this point but…it was a blast! exclamation point!

four: registering for a marriage license was sort of stressful. i thought that they were going to ask me really in-depth questions about him that i would have to know the right answer to (favorite color? elementary school crush? allergies?!). thankfully, they didn’t. but they did ask me my age…twice. “nine…teen…” (something about that ‘teen’ word evokes instant eyebrow raises?)

five: more lake time. but this time post-marriage…you know what that means! shared checking accounts! but really. jeff is slowly becoming me with the bowl of soup and can of ice-cold diet coke. and i am slowly becoming him with occasional showering and clothes washing. oy.

six: you know when you are apart from something for a while and you realize how much you actually love it? distance makes the heart go stronger? it’s like that one time i didn’t eat hot dogs for a year, just because. or when i haven’t seen my sisters in a while. they’re funny people, you know?  (and cute. and smart. and…another endearing adjective.)

seven: jeff and i have a problem. we both still think we are juniors in high school. we threw chad a surprise party (SURPRISEEEE!)(okay, side-note: all the kids hid in the bathroom to surprise him. five minutes before, i went into the bathroom and…relieved myself. thoroughly. ha. when they went in there, i heard someone say: “SICK! who farted?!” hahahaha…oops), and we both couldn’t help but try to impress everyone. i even overheard jeff telling a few of the boys about his high school football days that ended abruptly because he “got kicked off the team” (…you GUYS! he simply didn’t fundraise enough and broke his femur…dirt biking…cool points restored?).

eight: …we didn’t adjust well to a wedding event that wasn’t centered around us. like, what was that about? (only kidding. it was GREAT to not have to be paraded around– no strained smile muscles here!)

nine: hi hanna’s face and a plate full of brownies! when we got back to provo we realized that we live right next door to my morgan, hanna, avery, and maddy friend. mooching score: 1, us. thanks for the dinner, morgs ;) (eww. i never call her that. why did i just do that?)

ten: call us jim and pam! no really, please? i was on a quick job-scramble and applied everywhere…and ended up scoring a job at jeff’s place of work. ha. they have FREE fountain drinks there and chairs that spin and a softball team and everything! we work in two different departments but it’s still so fun having someone to carpool with and to kanoodle at the water cooler.

eleven: …and to take lunch breaks with, too. isn’t he handsome?

twelve: jeff’s brother shane is living here now! and they like to match and change tires together and stuff. (there’s your shout-out, shane. you happy?)

…school’s tomorrow. sleep tight!

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showered (last one!)

as aforementioned, i was thoroughly showered this weekend (i promise this is the last one!)(maybe?)(want to shower me more?)(i’m becoming less awkward…though i still feel the need to entertain the guests while simultaneously opening gifts–a skill that is harder than you’d think!). the most recent contrast was a stark contrast to the shower thrown on saturday–mostly because all the guests were under the age of 21 and no one really knew what they were doing; we were bridal shower newbies. and although we were first-timers and our young age was all-too-evident, we did one thing right: the food and decor. so yummy and so cute! i found myself saying that everything was ‘pinterest-worthy.’ a big, huge thanks to taylor and nikki for throwing together this day of cuteness!(and a bigger thanks to kylie for the provocative buttercream flavored gift that rhymes with ‘ripple ribbler’ –ha! such a beautiful sequence of events captured here…double chin and all!)

showered (again!)

my neighbor and long-time family friend rachel threw me a bridal shower along with my grandma and great-aunt (…who may be the classiest person i know; british accent and all!). it was held on my great aunts property and there were beautiful flowers, delicious food, and a slew of (refreshingly appropriate) gifts to aid me on my journey to domestication. oh, and there were strippers. lots of strippers
mckenzie approves of the strippers, apparently?

p.s. thanks to everyone who came and showered me!

what i’ve been up to…

  1. i’m home! it’s been so great. i haven’t cooked one meal for myself…that’s right, not one meal (breakfast, lunch, OR DINNER!). except for the separation from jeff…kind of sucky-pants (…so i jokingly having to talk about being engaged every time i leave the house; i feel like a broken record “i know it’s weird! i am so young! it is so soon! i feel uncomfortable staring into your eyes of fiery judgement!”)
  2. …jeff came to visit for the weekend. i really tried to sell him on the living-in-north-idaho thing; the rolling hills and friendly people really played to my advantage…the giant red statue my town just put up in the middle of town that is supposedly a seed? but i think looks more like a lady part? not so much.
  3. our road trip up here was sort of the best, in a retrospective kind of way. 12 and 1/2 hours in a small car can kind of wear on you…rather, jeff’s odd choice in pandora stations can (i didn’t even know fall out boy and panic at the disco made other songs besides their ZFUN 106.1 hits!)(…they were awful!). nonetheless we did have fun and vegged our faces at the westside drive-in in boise (it was on ‘diners, drive-ins, and dives’)(!!).
  4. although i’ve rarely been showering, i’ve been showered TWICE while being here! more pictures to come.
  5. about that soda challenge? pfftt. i had zero motivation and my mother’s negative influence and icy mugs did not help my cause.
  6. yesterday my sister, nikki, and i addressed 4,525,285 invites…and that was only jeff’s side. my sore left-hand hates how friendly he is to people. why couldn’t he just have no friends?
  7. waikiki is now a thing of the past and now i am on the job-hunt. does anybody need a babysitter? hair braider extraordinaire? back scratcher? hire me, i’m shamless! ;)
  8. guys, life is expensive. and so boring! my mother and i have been busily returning and exchanging things from my shower and buying me the ‘basics’ of cooking, cleaning, and living. why i can’t just start decorating already is beyond me? i mean really, i was doing just fine stabbing open cans.
  9. one weird thing about being home is running into people you were never really that close to in the first place but feeling obligated to hug them and catch up. even more weird is running into them twice in one day…
  10. …and basically a whole lot of nothing else. really, i have no excuse for being a deadbeat-dad to this blog besides that i have rapidly fallen out of the habit of assuming any sort of responsibility or schedule (besides watching everything on our DVR!).

airplaneness.

why am i incapable of having a normal airplane experience? you know, one where security is a breeze, where the airplane leaves on the schedules time, and where i have a normal conversation with the person next to me. or no conversation. either or.

maybe the person would be middle-aged? slightly  overweight? maybe they’d show me pictures of their little kids or their grandbabies or their…cats? maybe we’d talk about the weather or their favorite kardashian or how they like their steak?

one can only hope.

yesterday my mother and i drove up to spokane in the morning so that i could fly back to provo. she helped me get my bags (3 of them! what is wrong with me?!) out of the car, walked me to the terminal, and hugged me goodbye…only to pick me up a few hours later for a lunch at olive garden due to a broken down speedometer (my friend alyssa: “what are they going to do?! give us a ticket in the AIR?!”) and a six-hour delay. SIX HOURS (did i mention you were only allowed twenty minutes of free wifi? TWENTY MINUTES?!).

after lunch, i returned to the terminal and spotted a cute boy. or was he cute? or was i just hoping he was? no matter (let’s disregard the fact that he was carrying on a conversation with his two friends SO LOUDLY whilst having two headphones in…what are you listening to?). i noted his cuteness (or something?) and hoped that my seat would be in his general vicinity on the plane.

four hours later, we boarded. i sat next to the window with two vacant seats beside me and a “HI! I’M AVAILABLE” look on. perfect.

he sat right behind me…headphones still in. two twelve-year-old siblings plopped themselves right next to me and i decided to strike up conversation. they probably already regarded me as a role model, right? i asked them about school and christmas and what their favorite soda was (when did i get so bad at talking to twelve-year olds?) but the little girl was antsy to end the small talk and when there was a lull in the conversation she jumped in and told me she had a boyfriend. who was sixteen? and had better abs than her brother?

right.

i thought this was an opportune moment to intervene. i told her that she needed to play hard-to-get with him, and that she should be careful that he’s so much older. i encouraged her brother to be protective of her and make sure she makes good decisions with him.

somehow this conversation segued into how hot the guy sitting behind us was? she told me that she was going to ask for his name and that she found him SO HOT…hotter than her boyfriend, even! she asked me how old i thought he was and i said that he was definitely double her age. probably as old as her oldest brother? or weird uncle? or REALLY OFF LIMITS?

she took this as an invitation to take off her sweatshirt and reveal her spaghetti strap tank top. oh, hi. i thought about talking to her about the art of dressing mysteriously and of layering so much that you conceal your actual body shape because that’s sexy, right? fortunately for the both of us, the flight attendant came to pass out peanuts and pretzel and take our drink orders.

the (HOT!) boy behind us told his brothers (LOUDLY! why do you still have your headphones in? but HI!) how he preferred peanuts over pretzels to which my twelve-year-old flight companion whipped around and gave him her peanuts. is that suggestive?

five minutes later, the attendant came with the drinks and handed her a coke zero that “tasted SO weird! like it had JACK DANIELS IN IT!” (she was yelling).

the flight ended shortly after. i really think i made a good impression on them?

p.s. the boy told me (headphoneless) while we were at baggage claim that he was disappointed that his twelve-year-old girlfriend didn’t give him her number–maybe he’d have to find her on facebook, or something? maybe even myspace? …right when he finished talking i whipped off my sweatshirt and conveniently had on my spaghetti strap black tank top. yum.

but now i’m home. and it’s the first day of school! and could the bachelor be any more dramatic this season?! and why is the season preview so telling?

new year’s eve.

being an idaho-bred girl, i feel some sort of obligation to know how to do outdoorsy things like fish, hunt, and accessorize camo properly. that being said, on the last day of 2011, i thought it was time to give shooting guns a start. ka-pow!this is my ‘holy crap! i just shot something!’ face…it is a look composed of maniacal joy and fear of the power i held in my hands.
(toothpaste, bacon, and ice…the necessities?)i felt like annie oakley of sorts. ka-pow!

hats off to you, 2011.

2011: ready, go!

in january, i witnessed the most insane flood that moscow has ever experienced (at least i’m ALMOST sure), discovered my love for high buns and bright lipstick, made lots of resolutions that i’m nearly positive i broke within a week, and got a new phone that unleashed the narcissist hidden inside of me.in february, i received my acceptance letter to byu and was too tired to muster up any excitement, watched jesse jackson give a speech but really listened to the juicy gossip being told in front of me, went to sky-high for the first time ever, and sat on the student side for the last time ever watching high school basketball.

in march, i road-tripped to utah with my family and jason and paraded all around provotown, welcomed my cousin dan home from his mission, won a bingo game with mckenzie, visited my kylie-friend in san diego (and was happily stuck there for five more days due to backed up planes) and went into a food-coma every single day, and played in my last club soccer game…ever!in april, i made the adult-decision to attend summer term at byu, listened to general conference and learned about the simple expressions of love, wore heels to school for the first time ever, went to the renaissance fair with my family, and watched a lot of high school baseball.

in may, i went to my last high school prom with my friend logan and left the night with a crown, sash, and realization that that high school was basically over, skipped school A LOT and opted for bike rides and picnics instead, put the finishing touches on the senior skip day, seriously soaked in the beautiful weather and really loved on moscow, fell off my bike and busted open my head, and did not get raptured.in june, i graduated from high school and nervously gave the graduation speech, had the most fun graduation party at my house and attended an all-night one put on by the high school (…where i was hypnotized!), said goodbyes to my family and friends and moved to utah…only to see them two weeks later in portland at my grandpa’s funeral, and spent a weekend at a cabin in utah.in july, i spent fourth of july on the lawn of a fancy country club in salt lake, rode a horse, went on a seriously awkward hiking date where i was pressured to where a cowboy hat?, had the most fun five days ever in the hometown of katie and avery in southern california, and nearly got kicked out of the hospital’s cafe for stealing refills of vanilla and cherry diet coke.in august, i saw edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros at a twilight concert series, explored san fransisco with my family, watched my brother get married and my grandma dance crazily at the reception, surprised jason at his family reunion in red fish, idaho, took my first college final, and visited home for a few weeks where i squeezed in some beloved lake time, went to a foam dance party, and prepared to go back to byu where i was rooming with avery(!!!!) and living right across the hall from rachael and lily(!!!!).in septemeber, i began a friend-crush on landon, josh, and ally while spelunking in a provo cave, camped in a yurt, ran (well…stumbled) a half marathon in the mud, went to a 90’s dance party where rach, lily, aves, and i were the first to get there and last to leave, landed a job, had an ultrasound in which i flashed the pee-cup-getter, learned that i CAN NOT sit through a full football game and, fortunately, avery can’t either, sat in a fancy suite at the salt lake real game and drank so much of the free diet pepsi, and got really nostalgic over summer term.in october, i watched bruce get baptized, went to vegas with rachael, celebrated my cousin sean’s birthday with my aunt, grandma, and mother in town, spent halloween day as a fifth-wheel (WILLINGLY!), drove for fifteen hours straight squeezed in a car with landon, phil, josh, and brighton to portland, rode around on a moped called hidalgo, and watched the entire kardashian wedding with my sister, mother, and grandma in canby, oregon. in november, i watched the vandal vs. byu game alongside my fellow idahoans, celebrated a faux-thanksgiving with my family in a hotel room in utah because beau and rosemary couldn’t make it back, made the executive decision to hop on a bus early and come home for an extended thanksgiving break in which i ate ice cream every day, and got hit by a car on my bike? boo that.

in december, i fell in an even deeper love with my friends and college experience, had the BEST birthday ever and was completely and totally surprised at a dessert shop, bought a camera (mostly)all by myself!, went to the first presidency christmas message, won an intramural championship (ha!), ate far too much at tucano’s and had the best friend-date ever with lindsay, josh, and landon, made a silly youtube video, said sad goodbyes to josh and landon, didn’t take finals seriously enough (oopsies…), came home for break and did real idaho-y things like shoot guns and eat potatoes, and celebrated the new years by taking kenziggy pop out for a movie and sneaking in popcorn and sodas and getting surprised that my kylie-friend is in town!the end; bring it on 2012.