the new rule…

there’s a new rule: i have 30 seconds to take a picture! 30 seconds! my hands tremble at every kodak moment; fumbling to get my lens unscrewed and the scene in focus. jeff implemented the rule last night while we were late-night grocery shopping (there’s something so therapeutic  about being in a sifted-through walmart almost totally alone)(besides the crazy coupon queens stalking up for labor day– you guy, mom pants!). we were in the parking lot and he was waiting for me to pop the trunk and he was looking so handsome! so pleased and content and happy. perhaps it was because we had finally, finally sold our coffee table with the lion legs? or maybe it was because we had just gotten over that two day back-to-school hump? the pecan-pie diet we started after my mom sent us one? the kick-butt dinner i made?

or maybe it was ‘us.’ at walmart. with the couponers. laughing over ‘cardio butter.’ yeah, let’s pretend that’s it.

also, sidenote: monday was out to get me. i waited in a line of 34 back-to-school shoppers, only to get to the front to realize i didn’t have any form of payment. and my bike tire popped on me. but at least jeff looked content?

side-side-note: can someone get me a baby or a pug already? jeff can’t take all these pictures!

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life as of late…

for the past two episodes of netlix’d parks and rec (can i be couple-friends with will arnett and amy pohler already?)(…couple friends…eeeek…), i’ve been trying to  figure out the correct onomatopoeia to describe the sound of a deep inhale through the nostrils. my front-runners: ‘mmmm’, ‘ffffffff’, and ‘huuuurrrff’

maybe? kind of? are you feeling it?

now, enough of onomatopoeia, and on to me. that’s what we are all here for, right? (unless you are here for the other simply brooke–a fan fiction author that writes for digimon)

onwards: i’m married, you guys! and to answer the next question, it’s been great. people keep asking us if we like it and, if we are being truthful, we don’t really know yet. if being married is cruising, free meals, parties centered around your love, and a surplus of tagged facebook photos, then we are old pros. marriage is easy. ha. (…we have actually had a hard time adjusting from the cruise-life to real-life; we have to refrain from ordering 3 entrees and just leaving our garbage everywhere)

we do know that we love each other, though. it has been so fun to have him around 24/7 and to adjust to being married (answering to ‘brooke stapleton’, controlling nighttime gas, de-hair-ing the shower after use, and remembering that the crimson wave is a completely natural bodily function that happens once a month…to reiterate: i. am. not. dying.).

so here’s a little catch-up a la pictures (my life just looks better in the instagram ‘walden’ filter…) and a list (i’ll talk alllll about the actual ceremony later!):

one: we went back to my neck of the woods in northern idaho! we got all northern-idaho-y and rode the hiawatha trail (recommend! recommend!).

two: can you get over that sunset? me neither.

three: vegas, baby! we didn’t really mean to. nor did we want to. but we ended up in the crazy hot las vegas with my family and had a blast! i forget all the details and can’t really expound on this point but…it was a blast! exclamation point!

four: registering for a marriage license was sort of stressful. i thought that they were going to ask me really in-depth questions about him that i would have to know the right answer to (favorite color? elementary school crush? allergies?!). thankfully, they didn’t. but they did ask me my age…twice. “nine…teen…” (something about that ‘teen’ word evokes instant eyebrow raises?)

five: more lake time. but this time post-marriage…you know what that means! shared checking accounts! but really. jeff is slowly becoming me with the bowl of soup and can of ice-cold diet coke. and i am slowly becoming him with occasional showering and clothes washing. oy.

six: you know when you are apart from something for a while and you realize how much you actually love it? distance makes the heart go stronger? it’s like that one time i didn’t eat hot dogs for a year, just because. or when i haven’t seen my sisters in a while. they’re funny people, you know?  (and cute. and smart. and…another endearing adjective.)

seven: jeff and i have a problem. we both still think we are juniors in high school. we threw chad a surprise party (SURPRISEEEE!)(okay, side-note: all the kids hid in the bathroom to surprise him. five minutes before, i went into the bathroom and…relieved myself. thoroughly. ha. when they went in there, i heard someone say: “SICK! who farted?!” hahahaha…oops), and we both couldn’t help but try to impress everyone. i even overheard jeff telling a few of the boys about his high school football days that ended abruptly because he “got kicked off the team” (…you GUYS! he simply didn’t fundraise enough and broke his femur…dirt biking…cool points restored?).

eight: …we didn’t adjust well to a wedding event that wasn’t centered around us. like, what was that about? (only kidding. it was GREAT to not have to be paraded around– no strained smile muscles here!)

nine: hi hanna’s face and a plate full of brownies! when we got back to provo we realized that we live right next door to my morgan, hanna, avery, and maddy friend. mooching score: 1, us. thanks for the dinner, morgs ;) (eww. i never call her that. why did i just do that?)

ten: call us jim and pam! no really, please? i was on a quick job-scramble and applied everywhere…and ended up scoring a job at jeff’s place of work. ha. they have FREE fountain drinks there and chairs that spin and a softball team and everything! we work in two different departments but it’s still so fun having someone to carpool with and to kanoodle at the water cooler.

eleven: …and to take lunch breaks with, too. isn’t he handsome?

twelve: jeff’s brother shane is living here now! and they like to match and change tires together and stuff. (there’s your shout-out, shane. you happy?)

…school’s tomorrow. sleep tight!

things i’m peeing my pants over…

first off, do you like my new hat? please tell me you like it. i got it today mostly, completely because of cute natalie and took it for a little test drive. a few questions, fellow hat-wearers, do you take them off in restaurants? how about department stores? what about when you’re sitting all by yourself watching reruns of toddlers in tiaras eating spoonful after spoonful of peanut butter? oh, bother.

onwards!

today i packed my entire life into three suitcases for five weeks worth of adventures. if you know me, you’d know that packing is one of the few things that can bring me to tears (along with sappy country songs, pixar movies, and my favorite shows getting cancelled). i am a terrible packer–on one trip i packed over eight swimsuits but only one shirt. yikes.

but this time i was happily packing! i am so excited for the next five weeks–lake trips, a family reunion, a new last name, and a cruise to the carribean are in store. are you peeing your pants yet? i am. speaking of, today at walmart i told the cashier that their bathrooms were so well hidden that i almost drained my main vein (not applicable for girls, i KNOW) right in the middle of electronics. she responded by telling me that she was suffering a strong case of sweaty-butt-syndrome and her underwear was sticking to her bum…i think i found my best friend today! just like me, she was literally incapable of making socially-acceptable small talk.

anyways, i will probably be a bit absent on the blog the next couple weeks. like, not completely but kind of. but! i will be posting over here next week about my style and other such silly things (please don’t laugh at my model attempts!)(…you promised!) …also i’m being nonchalant about this but i am stupidly excited! like, fifteen exclamation points excited!

happy saturday!

p.s. i’m a writer for craigslist now, don’t you know? if you are interested in a coffe-table or desk, look here and here.

showered (last one!)

as aforementioned, i was thoroughly showered this weekend (i promise this is the last one!)(maybe?)(want to shower me more?)(i’m becoming less awkward…though i still feel the need to entertain the guests while simultaneously opening gifts–a skill that is harder than you’d think!). the most recent contrast was a stark contrast to the shower thrown on saturday–mostly because all the guests were under the age of 21 and no one really knew what they were doing; we were bridal shower newbies. and although we were first-timers and our young age was all-too-evident, we did one thing right: the food and decor. so yummy and so cute! i found myself saying that everything was ‘pinterest-worthy.’ a big, huge thanks to taylor and nikki for throwing together this day of cuteness!(and a bigger thanks to kylie for the provocative buttercream flavored gift that rhymes with ‘ripple ribbler’ –ha! such a beautiful sequence of events captured here…double chin and all!)

showered (again!)

my neighbor and long-time family friend rachel threw me a bridal shower along with my grandma and great-aunt (…who may be the classiest person i know; british accent and all!). it was held on my great aunts property and there were beautiful flowers, delicious food, and a slew of (refreshingly appropriate) gifts to aid me on my journey to domestication. oh, and there were strippers. lots of strippers
mckenzie approves of the strippers, apparently?

p.s. thanks to everyone who came and showered me!

living in solitude(ish).

dear crazy cat ladies and hermits of the world: i get you.

i get it! the whole ‘living on your own’ thing. it’s the caterpillar’s spats (thanks you google search: ‘synonyms for “the bees knees’ …i think?). there is a certain kind of beautiful that can only be found in a clean, organized fridge. carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, and other various veggie tales protagonists all squeezed nicely into the bottom shelf; strawberries, grapes, apples, and cherries in the right drawer. lactose-free almond milk…bottles of diet pepsi (it’s a new phase, sorry mom!)…leftovers, my leftovers…bliss, bliss, bliss!

i can stay in my rutty, white robe all day and just…lounge. at any decibel at any hour. FREEDOM! if the place is messy, it is my mess; my hair in the drain, my laundry on the floor, my cheese-encrusted dishes. i love my messes so much i could lick them up.

the best part: the naked barrier? gone. fart barrier? thing of the past. anxiety over having to sneakily steal condiments…and cereal…and fancy dryer’s ice cream (my jana-roommate always bought the expensive stuff! s’mores ice cream, are you kidding me?!)…no more!

now, how wonderful is that?

here’s to one more week of living in solitude! then it’s off to idaho…home, sweet home.

p.s. ummm…hello? my name is brooke and i am apparently the world’s easiest target? ha. whatever, if someone tries to snatch me, they will have to cross the barrier of the non-fart-barrier barrier…you know?