for the love of…

i’ve decided i am four years old. or 13% disgusting. or unnaturally motivated by food, fountain drinks, and retail stores. i have an obscenely busy day today (…studying! midterm! classes! work! kapow!) and was dreading, dreading, dreading it last night. but then! but then i decided to seek motivation–the thought of a good grade on the test and making money just wasn’t enough. i told myself that if i woke up on time and studied in the morning, i could go get a mcdonald’s oatmeal and diet coke and if i completed my day unscathed, i could make a target run! and wander around longer than usual! maybe even try on some shoes?

am i four years old? or just really pathetic? ha. either way, it’s 8:15 a.m. and i have my diet coke and oatmeal in hand and i am just jazzed about the long day ahead. also i am listening to dixie chicks on repeat and yes, ‘cowboy take me away’ is just as good after the seventh time. best day ever? i submit yes!

on things metaphorical.

yesterday after church i hurriedly made my way to the cafeteria (after gasping and inwardly cursing over¬† a $150 parking ticket with lily…gasp! curse!) and in a few quick moments with hungry-brain, had piled plate after plate of various foods (large salad, omelette, potatoes, steamed carrots, shredded steak, cookie, grapes…) and inhaled all of it. food-guilt and indigestion set in and i decided it was time for a sunday afternoon walk.

as i was walking, i took in the utah scenery–it really is a pretty place, you know? the snow topped mountains and tall, green trees; the rows and rows of cute little houses and culdesacs that scream family-friendly; the snow…and the snow…and the slushy make-you-fall-on-your-face-outside-the-matt-costa-concert snow.

joyous day.

i had my headphones in and was bumping. the playlist seemed to match my surroundings; calm, tranquil, soft, peaceful (…and the synonyms for ‘calm’ stop now…).

the glorious provo temple was just up the hill and as i made my way towards it, i prepared myself for a real deep and spiritual experience. i braced myself for some personal revelation about…anything? something? what my major should be? if i should trim my hair or not? is scout a suitable name for my hypothetical child? the closer i got to the temple, the more excited i was! i was going to have a real and raw moment here, guys!

then the song changed and temptation filled my ears. justin moore’s song that reminds me of my father and various high school friends (…this song; i love it, but do not condone it!)…oy! i couldn’t resist! but i couldn’t have a real, raw moment listening to tunes like THAT (with cuss words in the chorus! gasp!). thus, i had a decision to make: a. real, raw moment or b. justin moore’s scandily song.

…needless to say, i took a hard right and strolled down a random street with obscenities streaming into my brainium (do you like what i did there?). temptation at it’s finest! and i gave in! (…why am i telling this story again? is it to feel more accountable? hold me accountable, justin moore!)

and then i got hit by a bus! just flatted out! karma came in the form of a big, yellow, angry vehicle and laid me out in the middle of the road with the song still playing in the background.

holy smokes!

i called my mom and told her about the situation. we figured there was a metaphor in there, or a simile? or something symbolic? that life is like an ipod, and we get to choose what we listen to and what fills our brains and…oh, curses! we had a great metaphor in there but i don’t quite remember it…maybe it was that life is like a road and sometimes there are obstacles in life and temptations (like cuss wordy songs or caffeinated drinks or fast food places that are open on sundays?) and you have to make a decision! at the crossroads! like i did! hard right! (except it was wrong…anti-metaphor!) bus to the body!

…and now you know.

p.s. i went in for a fancy job interview on thursday and we spent 75% of the interview talking about once upon a time and how much i hated puberty. wait, what? ha.

p.p.s. also, just kidding(!!!) about the big yellow bus part. it was actually a prius. just kidding again! i didn’t get hit by anything. but when i am retelling this story and using it as a learning point in some deep, spiritual talk i am giving, i am going to say i got hit. for the sake of bringing the metaphor (or simile?) full-circle. and you aren’t going to say anything about it!

am i boring you?

hypothetically speaking, it will stay christmas forever and ever if i never shower or change out of my pajamas and continue to down mass amounts of sugar? right? apparently i am testing this theory. i spent the day lounging around the house and skyping these people. the boy on the left, landon, is getting set apart to leave for his mission tonight. in other words, the choppy group skype date where i spent 3/4 of the time staring at my own face on the screen was the last time i’ll talk to him for two years…byeeee landon!

in other news, i snuck in a trip to the gym today and a visit to the chiropractor where he, once again, told me that i was jewish. what? why? the part about the gym really was quite irrelevant but…i went there…

…i walked to safeway with my mom and decided that i like shasta cola and pink lady apples more than honeycrisp. compelling!

furthermore,  i took two baths today! two!

…also i’m left-handed?

it’s okay.

it’s okay that today that my dinner was soft-serve ice cream with water mixed into it (SO good, try it! costco frozen yogurt works the best).

it’s okay that the lady at gold n’ glow knew my name (it’s inevitable; i am going to be a leather bag).

it’s okay that my internal organs still hurt from holding in a sneeze yesterday (i opened the bathroom door the same time as another girl and saw her as i was winding up to sneeze. i closed my mouth and held it in…i swear my whole body shook!).

it’s okay that i’m just getting started studying for a fatty final tomorrow because i spent all day online shopping for stuff that i’ll never buy.

it’s okay that last night in my intramural game i said “shiiiiii” then quickly, and really obviously, added “zzzz! i said shiz!” (those games get heated! did i mention it was the championship?! don’t worry, we play again tomorrow. ugh.)

it’s okay that i have now lied to my bossypants about my act score (“perfect score! weird, right?”) and gpa just so he would think i am less flighty.

it’s okay that on monday at the store a girl shot her boyfriend a “remind me to never wear this outfit again” look after i told her she looked cute. mind you, i was wearing baggy grey sweatpants, a baggy grey t-shirt, a huge parka, dirty uggs, a wild high bun, and a sparkly headband?

it’s okay that morgan and i save our mcdonald’s cups sometimes so that we can refill them throughout the week ($1.08 adds up!).

and it’s totally okay that my to-do list today had ‘do nails’ and ‘catch up on tv shows’ in front of studying and doing homework. actually, i don’t even think those were on the list.

right?

p.s. that picture is from my lesson in aperture. i’m glad i have fancy friends.

the mondays.

my first day of work went…swell? i really just followed mr. manager man around and pretended to be busy. i also got some really strange looks from people for wearing a dress, fur vest, patterned tights, and big boots… it’s fall, people, my favorite time for getting dressed! give me a break.

in other news, chick-fil-a’s ice dream is the victor in the on-going competition for best fast-food soft serve.

and that’s my monday.

high-five for it being over?

p.s. i miss you, mckenzie claire!

boring…but let me brag, please.

this year i could have been a vegetable prepper at a catering company, a line server at zupa’s, a cashier at wendy’s, a bathroom janitorial lady at heleman halls, a customer service assistant at nordstrom’s and even a ibc language recruiting lad at some random company…but i’m not. after applying to 2,342 jobs, i can now say that i am a production assistant at byu broadcasting! yippity pippity!

it was actually a sick joke. i have applied to 2,342 places all year-long and no one would ever call me back. on sunday, i was on the brink of discouragement and tears over my long-term state of unemployment and bleak financial future. i decided to (…sappy time) say a quick little prayer that SOMEONE would be interested in hiring me.

and hallelujah!

this fine monday morning, i woke up to a voicemail on my phone from the broadcasting place saying that they were interested in hiring me. then when i was calling him back, another job i had applied for called me and asked if they could schedule an interview. then! as i was checking my calendar to find a time that would work out, i got an email from another company offering me the job.

i was so stressed out and overstimulated i couldn’t even be grateful. but i am now. and i have a job! today has been better than three trillion mcdonald’s ice cream cones.

more to come about this later. for now, i must sleep! because i have WORK tomorrow (well…kind of. i just have to fill out paper work but, you know)!

friday night ramblings.

(today is going to be a no-caps night; why am i so indecisive?)

the first half of my day was filled with pure academia (i realize this is the wrong use of the word, but it’s a no-caps kind of night) and slight pretentiousness. i started off my day with my morning jog (lie: i don’t jog enough to have a ‘morning jog’)(lie: …i never jog)(lie: i hardly jogged; i mostly just admired my friends jogging. they’re so spry!) around the temple (…at least i think it was the temple…i was crying so hard from my sore legs/stomach/arms/pride that i didn’t even look up).

following my morning jog (lie…), i wandered to the bean museum (pretentious!) with my anthropology class. to my dismay, it is not filled with beans. rather it’s filled with rad stuffed animals (it reminded me of kirk’s basement on the ali’s season of the bachelorette; his dang taxidermist dad ruined it for him!) and subtle smells of puke.

lovely.

i then dined at the museum of art cafe (pretentious!) with some friends and ate chilled raspberry soup (glorified danimals yogurt) amongst hipsters in stripey tee shirts (pretentious!).

following my m.o.a. meal, i dragged myself into the library and had the most awkward conversation ever with my peer mentor where i realized we never made eye contact once. or talked about anything regarding school. or even introduced ourselves.

(side note: while in the library, i stood behind this very portly woman who was laughing so vehemently that i began to fear she would never stop; that i would be standing there till infinity and beyond, listening to her chuckle)

i ended my day at a back-to-school bash at a dance club in provotown where i realized that my social life is killing my social life. to explain, the more i go out, the less i go out. to explain, when i dance, i scare people.

brandon davies was there. being all moral and stuff?

the end.