we bought a zoo!

…or an apartment, rather. (but have you ever seen that movie? okay, bawled my eyes out! it was so touching and scarlett johansson officially never looks bad…ever. even in an ill-fitting zookeeper’s suit!) we are pretty, seriously excited about it…even though we can’t actually live there together yet…but, oh! is it fun to look at!and now i switch gears: how do you take a good self-picture on the phone, people?! jeff and i try so hard but every time the front camera is facing us we just…freeze. well, jeff does. he has this incredible ability to maintain the same face in every single picture (no, seriously. you should see all of our engagements!) while i twitch and dance like a strobe light. behold:…painful. this was supposed to be our ‘WE JUST SIGNED THE CONTRACT AND OWN AN APARTMENT!’ faces but, as you can see, FAIL. i think it is mostly due to our camera-awkwardness but also because we had, minutes before this picture attempt, realized that there was no dishwasher in the place that we had just signed for…and owned. three cheers for hand-washing? four cheers for paper plates and plastic cutlery?

i might just add this whole ‘selfy’ thing to the long, exhausted list of stuff that i am not very good at THUS pretend to think is lame. like slalom skiing, walking in heels, and hugging people with backpacks on (so lame!). as i told jeff on our first date, i am not humble by choice, i am humble by default (dangit, genes!).

now, five cheers to that!

my week (as told by my phone).

this week was: lunch dates to which wich sandwich shop//froyo friday with my lady friends and gender-guessing games//a depressed little inflatable moosen baby (symbolic of my drive to actually do school)//teaching jeff photography tips//air conditioning blasting and windows down (counterproductive?)//eating easter treats en masse//awkward self portraits to showcase a near-perfect winged eyeliner//trying on suits for the wedding with jeff…he took forever//registering! dear guest list: no we don’t expect you to get us that 60 inch flat screen television…or those bikes…or all of those seasons of friends…//annabelle’s bridal shower in which i fell in love with her grandmother//dinner at jeff’s brother’s house; they just had a baby! so precious!//orange dress//night walks//getting all homesicky…over provo’s only hookah lounge?//getting serenaded…he’s such a show off!//fountain drinks. laaaarge fountain drinks.

in da club.

you GUYS! i’m cool now! take me seriously! hear me roar! braid my hair!i’m in the club. the instagram club, that is. androids finally pulled through and made one. follow me? i promise only 9/10 of what i post will be pictures of food (the rest will be pictures of cats and railroad tracks and myself pretending not to be narcissistic and stuff…)

the weekend (as told by my phone).

leaving my keys (and my spare key!) inside my car and sitting on a curb taking pictures as jeff fished them out with a hanger and stick (…for FOUR hours!)(also, he gathered quite the crowd! ha. the citizens of provo know quality entertainment when they see it!)//admiring my ring in the march sun//awful waffle (i suggest the pesto chicken crepe!)//pretty cherry blossoms//SUNglasses because it was SUNNY! (…and yes, i see my hand reflection in my sunglasses too…front-flip cameras might be the death of me…)//delicious creamsicles//rocking the university of idaho shirt :)//SHORTS!//my new coral sandals//watching the real salt lake soccer game//sugar.//provo at six in the morning–lucky little family(…i locked myself out of my dorm on saturday and had to wait till EIGHT in the morning to get back in)!

*also please note all the pictures of sugary foods. jeff and i realized that wedding pictures last FOREVER and thought it was time to kick it into gear and try (read: TRY) to eat a little healthier (read: refraining from eating so many crispy fries and chicken bakes). we decided that deprivation leads to depression which leads to unhappiness…so saturdays are fat-urdays. we can eat WHATEVER we want! this saturday we CRASHED. ha. orange popsicles, coke, carrot cake, syrupy waffles with extra whipped cream, cheesy nachos, buttery popcorn, orange soda, skittles, strawberry cheesecake…it got real fat, real fast! i ended the night with a sugar headache and a stomach ache…oh, faturday.

phone dumpage.

one: morning walk to work in the wee hours of the morning (…before 11 o’clock…) which i dread, dread, dread (but on the upside, isn’t utah pretty?)//two: trying to capture my frozen nose and eyes and breath while hiding the fact that i am taking a picture of myself but instead just looking like i am about to sneeze?//three: basketball game half-time show where women 50-90 came out and danced and DID THE SPLITS! (it was actually really disturbing…yikes)//four: dinner at the firehouse because a fire truck hit my roommate’s car!//five: the yummiest salad on the planet earth, or at least i’m almost sure//six: manicured!//seven: breakfast of champions. don’t you judge me!//eight: i bowled a strike (maybe if i say it nonchalantly it will seem like it’s happens often?)//nine: watching the snowman before running up the stairs to open christmas presents per always.

phone dumpage.

one: hamburger cupcakes//two: intramural basketball champions!//three: josh’s mission farewell…proud mama//four: BYU christmas cards…”he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes!”//five:NINETEEN bags of coconut m&m’s from the mail//six: pretend-studying. finals are silly//seven: cousin christmas gift exchange…i think there were twelve kids under the age of eight?//eight: submitting an application for a summer job! cross your fingers, please//nine: mockery of my camera obsession.

summer, as told by my phone.

1. The large $1.67 Diet Coke I would drag myself across the street to Wendy’s for when I got real desperate (the caffeine free Diet Coke offered all over BYU campus was just not conducive to my lifestyle).
2. Routine mid-day nap: ruined!
3. San Francisco with my brothers. Is that a gang sign of sorts, Chad?
4. The forsaken psychology class that occupied my Monday and Wednesday mornings and was also the recipient of all words cursed during my BYU experience.
5. My father breaking up the wedding day preparation with a cheer about…weddings?
6. Reading. Reading. Reading. How did I just discover Life of Pi?
7. Pie day in cooking class! Mine is the square one. Hey, I passed…with a B+.
8. Fish tacos that blew my mind in Laguna (no Kristen, no LC; just fish tacos).
9. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent to my mom to prove that I was, indeed, making an effort to look like I was not born in a barn.
10. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent my mom to prove that I was wearing makeup. And that my hair had grown!
11. The lovely Three Arch beach in Laguna. I could have just stayed there forever.
12. A lovely view of the great Salt Lake City from a rock that reminded me of the Lion King. A Rafiki/Simba reenactment soon followed.
13. The most charming little boy ever who told me that I was his “ Fourth of July girlfriend.” Now if only I could find a “Christmas,” “Birthday,” and “Valentine’s Day” boyfriend.
14. Tina Fey’s Bossypants accompanying me to a quick trip to Portland, Oregon. Miss Fey earned me a total of 342 strange looks in the airport when I would burst out laughing over and over again.
15. I’m a hoarder…but it all fit! Now lets just cross our fingers for my fall wardrobe.
16. Snapping a quick and creepy picture of my friend Phil at Walmart. Just look at that outfit? I could die.
17. One of the manymanymany jobs that I applied for while in Provo. I believe this one is to be a janitor at a Laundromat. My diminishing bank account has no shame.
18. For a few days I pretended to like running long distances willingly and obviously had to document the rare moment.
19. Shopping at my favorite store in Moscow, The Storm Cellar, and scoring a wonderfully sheer white dress. Score! It is also polyester. Score?
20. Finally back in Moscow for a few days realizing that nothing has changed in Moscow…besides a frozen yogurt place! We are officially a town! (Alpine vanilla yogurt, granola, coconut flakes, mangoes, kiwi, and every berry offered topped with a little bit of honey—heaven in a bowl).
21. Oh! One more thing changed. Jason wears man tanks now. And also lives in Hawaii. That’s almost as great as a frozen yogurt place, almost.