the five second rule is real, right?

germs are something i embrace. go ahead, you! cough on me. sneeze on me. drop my food on the ground before you give it to me. i welcome germs like i welcome…something you’d want to welcome, like discounts or new reality television shows or something?

anyways. that said. today i grossed out an entire assembly hall of 250 or so people with my germophilic ways (do you like what i just did there? made up a new word!).

this morning i really enjoyed my morning. mostly because i had a really, really strange dream in which i was rooming with a person at soccer camp who kept poking me in the chesticles? but anyways. i was really enjoying my morning and my oatmeal and my outfit picking and lost all track of time and was in a rush to get to my science class.

i may or may not have skipped brushing my teeth? i was in a rush, okay!

because i was in a rush (i am really overusing words: rush, enjoying, really…) i grabbed some gum and power-sprinted up to the engineering building. the engineering building. brooke is in the building for ENGINEERS (i am already sounding smarter, no?).

when i got to my classroom i peeped in through the window and noticed that the class had already started. perfect. no, but really…perfect! my outfit was cute and my hair was falling nicely and all eyes would be on me! (…oh my…vocalizing this is making me want to kick myself!)

i entered the classroom and scouted a seat but made eye contact with a few of my friends instead. i was super excited to see them? or super excited to do my super cute open-mouthed excited face or something? anyways, i waved at them furiously with my open-mouthed-excited face while walking right by the professor in the front of the classroom and, in doing so, dropped my gum right out of my mouth.


i don’t do well in situations like this due to my inability to keep calm and not get flustered. if conversations are going awry on the phone, i just hang up. if i have to think on my feet and swoon a guy, i get creepy. if i have to shoot the penalty kick to win the district championship, i miss (crap. i thought i might be over this by now?).

so. in my moment of flusteration (do you like what i just did there?), i did what any classy lady would do: kept a smile on my face, did a silly little giggle, and…put the gum back in my mouth?

why did i do that?

for a brief second i thought that maybe, maaaaybe the class would not have seen this but that thought was dispelled by varying sounds of “yeeeelk!” and “nasty!”  from the class (with maybe one sound of “doesn’t she look cute? isn’t her hair falling nicely? i bet she brushed her teeth this morning!” …wait just kidding).

…needless to say, my friends that i was waving at didn’t want me to sit by them?

but the five second rule is real, right?

2 responses

  1. bhahaaa! best story of my life! you win at life. seriously though. please tell me you really do just hang up if conversations go askew. i have this friend named chase nielsen. i also have a friend who has the nickname cheese, last name nielsen. cheese of course is how he is listed in my phone. i call cheese wanting to hang out and when he answers i yell “cheeeeese!” i then hear “cheese? what? kylee?” so i look at my phone realize i called chase and NOT cheese. what do i do? hang up of course. worst part… i called cheese right after and he didn’t answer so i later ended up hanging out with chase & all his buddies. they gave me so much crap for that one.

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